Goth Talk
by LadyTrunks
Summary: *Rietro* Another little Halloween spoof.
1. Episode One

Goth Talk

By Lady Trunks

I came up with this idea after the SNL Halloween episode and decided to do another Halloween Rietro fanfic. The idea and name Goth Talk is from Saturday Night Live. The only thing I own is… well nothing. This one a lot different than my usual style. I was aiming for funny, but I think it sunk to stupid and stayed there. 

______________________________________

*Scene opens to reveal Rogue and Kitty setting on a black couch in a black room both dressed in you guessed it, black. In addition both girls are wearing thick Goth makeup*

Rogue: Are you ready Evan?

Evan: Ready. Kitty?

Kitty: *frowning* Like, why am I hear again?

Rogue: You are here because you are my friend and Risty couldn't be here. Now SHUT UP AND SAY YOU ARE READY.

*Kitty suddenly finds a very angry Rogue towering over her*

Kitty: *squeaks* Ready

Evan: Okay, we're rolling. 

*Rogue is back in her chair staring at the camera her face expressionless through the thick white makeup* 

Rogue: *In a slightly creepy voice* Greeting fellow dark souls. Today is a special episode 

Kitty: Isn't this the only episode?

*Rogue gives her an malicious look that shuts her up*

Rogue: Today is a special episode for the horrendously spectacular day All Hallows' Eve.

Kitty: *with puzzled expression* I thought it was Halloween.

Rogue: IT IS!! Now to help us with this special episode we have a special guest, the unspeakably horrendous Pietro.

*Camera points at the door and Pietro walks in (yes he walks). However his hair is dyed black except for his bangs and he is dressed all in black and wearing Goth makeup*

Evan: *from behind the camera* What is he doing here?!

Pietro: I get to be on TV and become a celebrity for girls to drool over. Plus Rogue said she'd go out with me afterwards. For you my Gothic Hottie

*Pietro smirks and hands Rogue a bag of candy and hides a bag with a piece of toilet paper hanging out behind the couch. Rogue accepts the bag from him with a roll of her eyes*

Rogue: You mugged a kid again and stole their candy didn't you.

Pietro: THEY STARTED IT!!!

*Rogue notices something white and foamy on his sleeve*

Rogue: What's that?

*Pietro quickly covers it up*

Pietro: Nothing. Aren't we filming?

*Rogue suddenly seems to remember that and turns back to the camera*

Rogue: Now Pietro, how do you usually celebrate Halloween?

Pietro: Well, me and the others go over and toilet paper the X mans… Um, I mean we take a bag and fill it with dog excrement and light it on fire and throw it on Principal Kelly's… What I meant was that we go find kids and knock them down and take… 

Rogue: *sarcasm heavy in her voice* Yes, that's delightful Pietro. Thank you so much. *voice returns to normal* As you all know All Hallows' Eve…

Kitty: Halloween

*Kitty receives another glare from a rapidly angering Rogue*

Rogue: **_Halloween_** is the day wh…

*A loud knock interrupts this*

Rogue: *absolutely livid* **WHAT**???!!!!!!!!!!

Logan: *opens the door* Phone call for the half-pint. *Takes in the room and just shakes his head and mutters about crazy kids after he hands Kitty the phone and leaves*

Rogue: As I was saying, All Hallows' Eve is the day where spirits rise from the gra…

Kitty: *talking on the phone* Oh, Lance you're to sweet

*Rogue grits her teeth and raises her voice*

Rogue: Rise from the grave to walk among the living. As such th…

*Kurt bamfs into the room* 

Kurt: What are you all doing?

*Rogue pulls a huge roll of gauze out of nowhere and completely covers him in a matter of seconds*

Rogue: *with an evil smile on her face* And that viewers is how you make a mummy costume.

Pietro: *In between stuffing candy in his mouth* ThatwasprettygoodRogueyYouwerefastNotnearlyasfastasmebutfastnonetheless.

Rogue: *self suffering sigh* As I was saying, these spirits… 

*The door suddenly swings open and a furious Scott enters* 

Scott: Do any of you know who toilet papered my car? When I found out who did it I'm going to…

Pietro: IthinkitwasEvan

*Everyone turns to look at Evan who is now holding the bag that Pietro had hid behind the couch. Pietro just looks on innocently from the couch*

Evan: Hey, how did that get there? *Looks inside and groans* I swear I didn't do it man.

*Looks up to find Scott advancing on him and takes off out the door throwing the bag in the air from which a roll of toilet paper falls out. He is immediately followed by the enraged Senior*

Rogue: As I was saying…

Pietro: HeyRoguey.

*Looks over at where Pietro is bouncing up and down hyperly on his seat from a sugar high.

Rogue: *forcing herself to remain calm* Yes Pietro.

Pietro: WellnowthatEvan'sgonethereisnoonetorunthecamera

Rogue: (*&@&(*$@&(@&$@($&(@&$(@&$(@&$(@

*Pietro's eyes widen at the words*

Pietro: WowRogueyIneverknewyounewthatmanycusswords *his voice was filled with respect*

*Rogue slumps back into the chair in defeat. Pietro just races around the room in circles while Kitty just continues to talk on the phone obliviously. After a few minutes Rogue stands up*

Rogue: I'm leaving. I have to go destroy something. You coming Speedy?

Pietro: OfcourseI'mcomingmybeatutifulbabe.IknowletsgoovertoPrincipalKelly'shouseandleavehimapresent. And wecanfindmorekidswithcandyandeatitall.Itwillbefun.

*The two exit the room leaving Kitty on the phone. 30 minutes later she hangs up and looks around*

Kitty: Hey where is everybody?

*Fade to Black*

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Was that not the stupidest waste of time you have ever read?? But tell me what you think just because. I hope it was a little bit funny at least?? Or maybe not. Please review. They inspire me. *subtle hint* Special thanks to all those that reviewed Halloween Havoc, especially Geministarz who happens to be one of my favorite Rietro authors. 

P.S. I'm working on the sequel to Just Our Little Secret, called Can You Keep A Secret. (Got a theme going down.) It's at 11 pages and growing but I hope to finish it soon. It kinda took on a mind of it's own. I might decide to make it into a Series of sorts. Not a chapter story, because I have a rule about that (can't post a single chapter until the story is complete, rule made because of my short attention span) 

But anyways. Happy Halloween everyone.


	2. Episode Two

Goth Talk  
Chapter 2  
By Lady Trunks 

A special thanks to Gothic-Rogue who helped me come up with the ideas, and is solely responsible for the Azreal Abyss line. Without her this fic would have remained a one-parter.

Disclaimer: Don't own SNL, and Azreal Abyss, Prince of Sorrow is a character from Goth Talk on it played by Chris Kattan. I don't own X-Men: Evo either, but I really, really, really want Pietro for Christmas… I'll be good, I promise!! 

~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~

*Scene pans in to show two figures dressed in Goth make-up once again in the same black room on a black couch. One of the people is obviously Rogue, but the other one was to horrendous a site to even describe* 

Rogue: Welcome back to Goth Talk, all my faithful creatures of the dark. *voice turns sarcastic* It seems that Mrs. Prine, our communications teacher, liked our *hisses the word in distaste* comedy so much that she wants us to make it a regular show. So I am joined here today with our new co-host, Logan. 

*Camera zooms in on the horrifying site of Logan dressed all in black wearing Goth make-up*

Logan: *practically in tears* Help me, please. For the love of God.

Rogue: *Whispers, but the camera still picks it up* If you don't want me to show the Prof the tape of you breaking into his stash of Rum and getting wasted and then pretending you're Captain Pickard…

Logan: *Yelling* You swore you would never tell

Rogue: *hisses* Just say it.

Logan: *voice completely emotionless* I'm Azreal Abyss, Prince of Sorrow!

Rogue: *groans* That was really pathetic, do it again. Only this time try to be… scary.

Logan: *voice comically scary* I'm Azreal Abyss, Prince of Sorrow!

*Rogue and Evan, who is once again recording the show, this time with his arm in a sling, falls onto the floor laughing*

Logan: *practically in tears* If anyone knows of a job opening I'll take it. I'll kill anyone, just get me away from here.

Rogue: *finally recovered clears her throat* As I was saying, today we are going to show you a ritual to raise the dead. Anyone can do it. First you will need…

*A sudden bamf and Kurt appears in front of them*

Kurt: How come I'm never asked to be on this show?

Rogue: *through gritted teeth* Because you have **_lousy_** timing. 

Kurt: *with a wounded look* But I can be gothic. Hey I can even look scary. *flips off his watch and stands thre in his fuzzy form* And you know chicks dig they blue dude.

Rogue: *forces herself to calm down* Fine, have a seat. 

*Rogue gestures to the chair beside the couch, but instead Kurt sits on the couch between her and Logan, with a huge smile on his face.

Rogue: *sighs in frustration* No smiling.

*Kurt wipes the smile off but 30 seconds later he's smiling again* 

Logan: *pleading* Now that he's here can I go? 

Rogue: *screams* **_NO!!!! _***voice is back to normal* Okay as I was saying…

*Before she can finish that thought the door is flung open and a rush of wind that can only be one person sweeps through the room*

Pietro: *appearing before Rogue and pouting* Roguey,howcouldyou?!!! Youdecidedtomakeanotherepisodewithouttellingme,yourboyfriendandcostar??

Rogue: Pietro, you are NOT my boyfriend. Just because we go places alone, and you always pay and… *her voice trails off as realization dawns* OH MY GOD!! *starts to completely hyperventilate* This is too much… too soon. I'm not ready for this kind of commitment. 

Pietro: *backing away slowly* Umm… Maybe we should talk about this later when you're more… sane?

Rogue: *completely oblivious* Sure I like you, but am I really ready to be in a relationship? This is such a big step and all…

*She's interrupted by the door slamming open and an enraged Jean appearing. One side of her hair is noticeably shorter than the other* 

Jean: Okay, who did it?

Rogue: *snapping out of her trance* Did what?

Jean: Don't act stupid. Which one of you freaks *sobbing* cut my perfect hair?

Rogue: *eyes narrowing at the insult* Wasn't me. But then your hair was never what I would call perfect, anyway. It's way to bright… The color only a hooker would wear. I think you followed the directions on the back of the box wrong.

*Rogue noticed Pietro disappear and reappear a second later out of the corner of her eye why she kept Jean distracted*

Jean: *acting the part of righteous indignation to the fullest* I'll have you know that this is my natural hair color. Unlike that skunk look that you seem to prefer. 

Rogue: Who you tawdry little slut…

Pietro: Jean,IthinkitwasEvanthatcutyourhair.

*Jean turns her attention to Evan who backs away slowly. As he does a pair of scissors and some red hairs fall to the floor*

Evan: It wasn't me Jean I swear.

*Evan turns and races out the door, with an enraged Jean following. Leaving a smirking Pietro behind, grinning evilly* 

Rogue: Not again…*sighs in surrender* Okay, then that wraps up the second episode of Goth Talk… *Grins maliciously* Join us next time when we talk about human sacrifice and if Red-heads really do burn easily. Bwahahahahahaha.

Pietro: *speaking slowly and soothingly* Umm… Roguey, you're scaring me. How about we go find a nice quite place and do nothing.

Rogue: Fine, but this doesn't mean you're my boyfriend.

Pietro: *In a reassuring, though disbelieving tone* Sure it doesn't.

Logan: I'm out of here!

*Logan quickly leaves the room followed by Rogue and Pietro leave arm in arm (though they are not boyfriend and girlfriend… really) Kurt is left setting on the couch alone* 

Kurt: That's it?? I didn't even get to do anything!!! *looks at the camera and smiles* Let me tell you about this one time that Scott and Jean…

*Fade to black*

This chapter is dedicated to all the wonderful people that reviewed: Red Witch (the queen of Evo comedy), GameKingKurtWagner (who wrote my all time favorite review: "Dude, that story was awesome! Well, for a goth-y Halloween spoofy… Rietro… no-Kurt… kinda thing…" I added more Kurt just for you!), Flitwicke, of course Gothic Rogue, Lucky439, Rogue, Geministarz, Icy Flame (another one of my favorite reviews for obvious reasons ^^), Kelly, S.O.S.Rogue, and Aliana. I love you all!!


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